A Piece of Life Through My Eyes: Happy birthday, Josh

A Piece of Life Through My Eyes: Happy birthday, Josh: "I pride myself on usually being able to come up with pretty thoughtful gifts for my friends and family. I like to go beyond what some may th..."

What's going on???

Today, going to see Earl, watch some football, talk on phone to catch up with people
Tomorrow, Church, baby Josh gets dedicated, more football, get some more housework and laundry done
Monday, More housework and Laundry, help Phil and Virginia with finances and insurance.......
Tuesday Talk to guidance counselor re: Tarryn's schedule for her senior year, maybe start taking down Christmas stuff, cook, clean, etc
Wednesday, go to Fort Wayne for Tarryn's appt with MDA, probably talk to Dad cuz he won't be able to find something or just need to talk...

etc, etc, etc ad nauseum!!!

Somewhere in there I want to find time to see about starting a business, collect paperwork for taxes, schedule appts with dentist and read a book....... I can't complain tho!! I love being at home!

:)

Motivation

so not so motivated to do anything today. I have stuff I need to do but I am struggling to get anywhere. I feel this profound sense of loss......

Not needed

I have never felt so unwanted or unneeded........ just a bystander like everyone else

Mom

Today would have been my parents 50th wedding anniversary......... sometimes I miss my mom so much I hurt..... So many things I wish I could show her, tell her and share with her.... This Christmas Day she would be 75 years old. I know she is so much better off where she is in heaven feeling no more pain, no more sorrow but I still wish she were here.....

so what....

Struggling right now knowing I opened my house to my sister and she robbed me. Took books, recipes, pictures and who knows what else. Then she had the gall to complain about paying for utilites...... forgiveness will be slow on this one.

Happy Birthday to me

Another year has gone by. It has been a year of heartache and joy. I have 3 new grandchilden! I have watched another godly woman lose her fight with cancer. I have seen a child lose his fight against a very rare blood disease. I am constantly reminded of the brevity of this life. I never thought I would make it to this age!! I miss my mother.........

Under the weather

So today I am a bit under the weather. Fighting a cold Yuck! Taking vitamin C, gargling with salt water, decongestant, asprin and rest...... I really want to finish the Christmas decorations. Maybe tomorrow.... the way the weather is I won't be able to do much else!

Tiffany

This month Tiffany celebrated her 23rd birthday. It was also Easter Sunday. It was bittersweet in that I thought of her often that day and yet missed being able to celebrate with her. As I have watched her grow over the years, I have seen many changes. She was/is the most independent one. Wanted to walk by age 6 months, feed herself at age 9 months, able to read at age 3 years. Didn't want anybody telling her how to do anything!! I remember spending hours hunched over, holding her hands so she could walk. I remember trying to feed her breakfast one morning (oatmeal) and she just threw the biggest fit saying "NO, I do it!" So I let her........ Hmmmmmm I also remember cleaning the mess! :) While she is now married and lives very far away I still hear in many ways saying "NO, I do it!" Maybe that is why we have struggled in our relationship...... She is my "baby" and she says "NO, I do it!" Happy Birthday honey!

In's and Out's

We are all guilty of wanting to feel loved and important. While it is not wrong to want to feel this way, it is wrong to hurt others in the process of gaining what we want. Today I realize more than ever that sensitivity is key to relationships. I have chosen to be out of several online social networks because I find that dealing with insensitvity is way to difficult. Whether malicious or not, the pain is real. I let my emotions control my actions more than I should. I have struggled with this all my life. I am deeply passionate and this passion is hard to control. It is the bane of my existance. When I see those close to me hurt, I tend to lash out. I am working on this part of my self-control. Needless to say, still needs work. :) To those who know me well it is understood that this is one of my weaknesses. To the rest, they just see me as over-zealous and bitchy. Oh well, not perfect and neither are they. What I do see is that Steve and I have gone out of our way to include everyone, provide for everyone and yet we get dumped on in a heartbeat. These things hurt beyond belief. So I will be out of touch with most, but in touch with myself and continuing the never-ending process of giving God control and letting go.

stuff that irks me

I try to be not so picky but sometimes I can't help it. My husband was watching me check out stuff on Facebook, he noticed that my ex is listed as an uncle...... he says "Really, I thought I was their uncle" Goes to show that sometimes people get hurt. That really irks me.

Parenting

You know, I don't understand parents who leave their kids. For a month, six months or forever. I don't see how they live with themselves. Nothing is that important that we leave our kids behind. The emotional scarring that is caused is unbelievable. It takes years of soul-searching to come to terms with any kind of abandonment. I am dealing with it yet again. The tears, the anger, the frustration, the questions, the loss of morale....... it just breaks my heart. I can be there to help, but I cannot replace what is lost...... that hole can only be filled by the parent who left or God. Right now I am so angry I could spit nails........

A new president

As a born again Christian I am saddened by the news this morning. My comfort is that God works even through the choices of unbelievers to bring about His good and perfect will. Look at the birth of Christ. God used a wicked government to bring His Son into this world. I believe that while Obama has many good ideas, He is not necessarily pro Christ, pro Israel, pro life, or pro marriage as the Scriptures teach. I know no one is perfect. I also believe that the foundation of our country should be in line with God's will. I will pray for Obama that God will use him to bring about His will for our country.

Boyz to Men

Tomorrow is Josh's birthday. He will be twenty three years old. I look back and wonder where the time went.......... It seems only yesterday that I was bringing him home from the hospital......

Now is a wonderful, good looking young man. Searching his way through life, figuring out his niche in the vastness of the universe..... I was this age when I gave birth to him........ I too was looking for my niche........ I think it always changes......... the only constant is the state of flux........... I am very proud of Josh........ he has worked hard to get where he is today........ He is intelligent, funny, and even romantic!!! Good grief!! How did he survive in a family of all women for so many years???? Gotta love him!!

Happy Birthday Josh!

Tis the season

It's almost officially the start of the holiday season. After tomorrow (Halloween) the hustle and bustle of preparing for the holidays begings. All the baking, cooking, decorating, shopping, wrapping, planning, traveling begins. I feel somewhat exhausted already! :) The older I get the more I realize that we put entirely too much focus on all the external trappings of the holidays and really lose what is important. Just spending time with family and friends, secure in the knowledge of what God has done for me each day. My biggest focus is learning to love as God loves. All the people that I come into contact with need to the see the the grace of God at work. I am humbled by the fact that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, loves me every day no matter how I fail Him. He gives me grace and mercy each new day to start over. I watch Him at work in my life and see how He brings me closer to Him. I am working on praying more. I feel the power of prayer is what works in my life and can bring change to us all.

We had Alexander over a few weeks ago and he was playing with homemade playdough!
I took some video and want to share it! He is so adorable!



Have a beautiful day!

musings in the night

ok so I don't have anything really important to say but I was having trouble trying to sleep so I thought if I got up and wrote it would make me sleepy..........it worked......... so I am going to catch some zzzzzzz's Busy day tomorrow........ see you on the flip side folks!

Easter

Tomorrow is Good Friday. What is good is this is the day that marks Our Lord and Savior's death for each one of us on the cross. What is better is because of His death we are all given the opportunity to receive the awesome gift of eternal life. In three days we celebrate Easter. This is what makes Good Friday and completes the story. Without His ressurection.......His death would mean nothing. It is because Jesus lives today in heaven with His Father that we can turn to Jesus and accept salvation and one day live in Heaven with Him. For myself.......... I can't wait to see my mother again!! Without Christ there is no real hope, no direction, no goal, no forgiveness, no real love......... A sad thought indeed....... God is a real being........ and He cares deeply for each one of us. Even in the midst of my deepest struggles I know He is there. Even when I forget about Him........ He never forgets about me!!! Sometimes He has to get my attention but I know there is no way I would make it through this life with Jesus!! I am content even when there is struggle, conflict, turmoil, and sorrow around me. The Holy Spirit comforts me......... This is the best holi-day!!! May God work in each one of us to draw us closer to Him and closer to each other...

Thoughts

well, here it goes... We should have legal guardianship of Logan and Tarryn on Monday...... which is a relief in that the legal junk will be over and no more attorney fees for that....... now we can settle into life...... other than Earl is now going to move to his mom's....... which again will be a relief in that his attitude sucks and we are tired of his crap........ we love him (and we will miss him ) but man............. we have bent over backwards to work with him but to no avail.... and since he will be 18 in a few months we are relieved to not have to deal with the same kind of stuff we went through with other kids..........

I think that being a parent is a tough tough job........ so many heartaches, headaches, sleepless nights, worrisome days, money angst, etc... BUT so many beautiful moments that cannot begin to be adequately expressed!!!!

No calls or anything from Becky.......... oh well she wants to be called Mom but doesn't want to put in the work and sacrifice over the long haul...........
her loss
Our gain!

Now when Josh gets himself back fully it will be a truly wonderful day!!! The work is in progress......... but the long haul is just beginning.

I just don't understand

I need to vent so bear with me......

On November 10th or so I allowed my sister and her two children to move in with us. The understanding was she would help with food with her food stamps and also provide us with about $200 per month for expenses for electric, laundry supplies, salt for the softner, and other miscellaneous supplies. Well, being understanding I allowed the first couple of months to go by without any payment for utilities and such because I knew most of her check was going towards back support. In the mean time, I noticed lights left on all over the house all the time at all hours of the day and night. I also noticed the heat was turned way up but she was running around in a nightgown. There were coffee stains, food messes, mud, and other nasty messes not being cleaned up by her (as she is the one who made them). So I went to her as I noticed these things and said, "In this house we clean up after ourselves, and if you are unable to do that, you need to take measures to NOT make the messes in the first place. Also, this house is all electric, we cannot afford a huge bill so please turn off lights when you leave a room. Furthermore, we keep the heat at about 65 degrees and wear warmer clothes." All to no avail whatsoever. Now there are burn holes and coffee stains and God knows what else in our brand new carpet. But she didn't do any of them. Also I would come home at lunch and the temperature in the basement would be 75 but she didn't turn up the heat.......... So I get the electric bill...... for one month our cost per day went from $1.55 to $13.98. I said "Whoa........ I can't afford this........ the temperature wasn't even cold in December....... what's going to happen in January now that it is getting cold?" So Steve and I went to Becky and said - "This has to stop.......... we can't afford this........ if you want the heat turned up and to leave lights on we need you to pay for it....." Guess what...... She didn't have the money and she isn't getting food stamps cuz she is living with us and not paying rent...... so she was expecting us to buy all the food and pay up to $600 a month for electric............ So after many conversations..... she and Jim decided, that even though she had just told the kids that they would do whatever it took to take them to New Mexico to give them a new lease on life, that if WE couldn't afford for them to live here, she was going back to New Mexico and sending the kids back to the very situation she was supposedly trying to get them out of. Then she has the gall to tell her kids that it is OUR fault they have to go back.......... What a crock of crap!!!! It is NOT our responsibilty to support her and the kids...... It is HER and JIM'S responsibility and when we told them they were accountable and would have to make the sacrifices.....THEY BAILED OUT!!!! AGAIN!!! Go figure......
End of story...... I did tell Logan when he turns 16 in a few weeks that if he wanted to be emancipated, he could live with us if he wanted to.......... That is all I can do......... Tarryn is too young......... So I bawled when they left and I didn't even get a "kiss my ass" from Becky.....

Whatever...............

God is so good

well, i am off to go shopping...... buying some scrubs!!! haven't worn those in a while!!! but since i am now working in a doctors office i need to look "doctory"??? anyway...... I am just so glad to have a job I feel there is room to grow as a person........ I believe in chiropractic care and I want to help others........ working with fellow (or gal) believers helping people feel better is going to be great........ plus i no longer have to work at a factory........... and I get to play on the computer all day!!......... does it get any better????

God is good...........