as i spend the day alone, cleaning and whatnot, i am conscious of the fact the aloneness is not bad. it is good for me today to be able to think and sort without the distractions of family and/or friends. today my heart is sorting the hurts and the healing of my relationship with my husband. he is both wonderful and terrible. as i suppose i am too. sometimes the effort of communication - really listening and really talking - are the only salvation for a relationship. it helps to repeat what the other one says to be sure we haven't filtered it through our own hurts. sometimes i am amazed and what i hear and what was said. it is both scary and helpful to reveal the innermost thoughts and feelings i have. but who else am i going to share these with if not him? the risk and the reward is great. i have to break down the walls of my heart and let him in all the way or it is all in vain. i love him so much it wrenches my gut. is that too much?